*Trigger warning: Sexual assault and violence mentioned*
We didn’t get to talk to Noah for a few days since you know, his sister was just murdered. I’ve heard people need a bit of space after traumatic things like that happen. We had to wait the respectful amount of time, which felt like years instead of days. Eventually, we got to talk to Noah. Henry and I drove to the Starbucks in the next town over where we were set to meet Noah. I was nervous as all get out. Butterflies were threatening to fly right out of my stomach.
“What if he doesn’t show up?” I asked Henry while I twisted my hands over and over in my lap, a nervous habit of mine.
“He’ll show up.” Henry responded, sure of himself. As soon as he spoke the words, Noah walked in. He looked tired, like he hadn’t slept in days. I suppose grief does that to a person.
“I’m here. What do you guys want?” Noah huffed as he sat down across from us. Boy, this was going to be a fun interaction. Henry explained what I saw that day on the way to the library, what I saw at the party, and an edited version of what Baxter did to me. I’m glad Henry was there doing all the talking, because I’m not too sure I could get the words out from anger at Baxter and nerves about what was going to happen next. Noah sat there and listened and nodded at all the right times. His face shifted from anger to understanding in a heartbeat.
“I’ve always known Baxter is a son of a bitch, but all this is next level. I’m sorry for what he did to you. Though I know that doesn’t make it better.” Noah whispered, his voice cracked with emotion.
“I’m sorry for what he’s done to your family. We’re both sorry for your loss. Kara was a wonderful girl who deserved so much better.” I said, speaking for the first time since Noah arrived.
“Thank you, I appreciate that. I suppose you want to know what I was going to turn Baxter in for, huh?” He asked, wiping away a stray tear and getting down to business.
“Anything you can tell us that will help us make sure Baxter is punished for what he’s done to me, what he’s probably done to countless other girls, and for the part he played in your sister getting murdered. We want Baxter to pay for what he did.” I said angrily, slamming my hand down on the table. Both boys looked at me, scared and impressed.
“Okay, I’ll help you, but you have to swear that you didn’t hear this from me. That if you go to the cops, you keep my name out of all this. I don’t think my parents can take any more emotion wise.” Noah lowered his head, as if he had somehow already caused his parents some kind of emotional distress just by being here with us.
“We swear we won’t tell anyone your involvement with this. All we want is to get Baxter punished and get Alice and your sister justice.” Henry said as he held his hand up in the scout’s honor. I nodded my head in agreement. Sorry Noah, if you’re reading this. But I had to tell them about you. You’re a hero. And I need them to understand why I did what I did. You understand that, right, Noah?
“Thank God Nellie turned herself into the cops for pushing my sister. But you’re right, Baxter plays a role in what happened to her. He’s played a part in everything, Nellie too. Here’s what I know.” Noah explained a whole bunch about how for years, Baxter has been in all kinds of illegal activities. He’s been taking drugs to help him be better at sports, he’s been dealing the enhancers as well as a few other narcotics, and the cherry on top, Baxter has been filming himself when he’s with girls. Yes, sir, Baxter James has been making porno’s without many, many young ladies’ consent. Not only that, but he’s distributing the little movies to multiple guys at school. Hearing Noah tell us all of Baxter’s dirty and disgusting secrets made me want to vomit. I knew he was evil, I’ve always known, but this takes the whole entire evil cake. I’ll say it louder for the people in the back, Baxter James is a lying, manipulative bastard and I hope he dies slowly and painfully. Baxter was doing all this and no one knew or they knew and let him get away with it. Why are people always letting people like Baxter get away with things?
“Goddamn, that’s a whole lot of bad. What were you going to turn him in for?” Henry asked, his face twisted up like he tasted something sour.
“The drug stuff, since I found out who is dealer and supplier is. I only found out about the home movies last week when someone sent me a video of Baxter doing it with Christine Roberts. It was disgusting, but it’s even worse when you know he’s 18, she’s 15, and it’s being filmed without her knowing. It’s absolutely horrible.” Noah explained, shaking his head as if to get the images of the video out.
“Wait, you know his dealer and supplier?” Henry asked, excitedly. I knew that tone. That was the tone that got me and Henry into trouble.
“Yeah, it’s this 20 something year old named Brad. He and his cronies live in this warehouse downtown. They are bad news. I heard they once killed a guy for snitching on them and then paid the cops off so they wouldn’t get in trouble. But that isn’t even the most messed up part.” Noah told us. We were hanging on to his every word. I was horrified, but I wanted to know more. I wanted this intense, terrible information like it was a bag of chips and I couldn’t eat them fast enough.
“What else could have possibly happened in this story?” Henry questioned, throwing his hands up in the air exasperated.
“It gets worse, dude, much worse. The last few months, Baxter has been giving his movies to his dealer. And his dealer has been putting them on this website where grown men can pay to watch. Here, look.” Noah showed us the website on his phone. All I could see where the faces of my classmates staring back at me and different money amount on each video. Girls who unwillingly were filmed and have been unwillingly exploited. These poor girls, who were now victims of Baxter’s douche baggery. I never wanted to kill Baxter James more than I did in the moment. I squeezed my hands into fists so hard that I could feel my nails cutting into my skin, but I didn’t care. Henry rested his hand on my knee. It calmed me a bit, helped me focus more on the mission at hand.
“You said Nellie has some involvement. How does she factor into all this?” I asked Noah, my eyes meeting his and I could see just how much all this was weighing on him. His face was pale and he had dark as night bags under his eyes. His shoulders were slumped and his hair a mess. His sister’s murder and knowing all these terrible, terrible things must feel like the world was on his shoulders. I wonder if he blames himself for what happened to his sister, that if he had just gone to the cops a bit sooner, maybe Kara would still be here. We may never know.
“You know how Nellie is a bit of a drama queen?” Noah sighed. My eyes nearly popped out of my head at the words “a bit”. Ain’t no part of Nellie that is “just a bit dramatic”.
“Sure.” Henry responded. A man of few words, that Henry. But his response kept me from spouting off just what I thought of Nellie and her “somewhat” dramatic ways.
“Nellie talks a lot of talk, but she’s just as bad as the rest of them. Nellie acted like all she wanted was Baxter, and I guess that was true in the beginning. She loved the popularity, being the it girl—”
“More like the bitch, but alright.” I interrupted. Sorry, Mama, I had to call it like I see it. Nellie Richards is lying, no good— anyways, back to the story.
“As I was saying, Nellie loved being the queen beside Baxter. Then she found out all the stuff he was caught up in. You would think that would make anyone run for the hills or at least to the cops. But not Nellie. She’s what they call an egomaniac. She was so obsessed with herself and the image she created with Baxter, that she would do anything to keep it. So, she went along with all of Baxter’s dirty deeds. I’ve heard that she would even lure girls for Baxter to fuck and film. God, saying that out loud makes me want to puke.” Noah stuck his tongue out like he might actually be sick all over the table.
“Those two were made for each other.” Henry said, shaking his head in disbelief of all that Noah has told us. “But there’s a few things I just don’t understand. If Nellie was luring these girls for Baxter, didn’t she care that he was cheating on her?”
“Not one bit. For her the relationship was all about the image of herself that got projected to everyone else at school and in town. She didn’t care if Baxter loved her. She wanted the spotlight on her, always.” Noah explained. The more Noah said, the more this all made sense. For the record, I would like to remind you all that I never liked Nellie and I’ve always thought she was a bad apple. Not to say I told you so or anything, but like, I saw this coming from a mile away. The self-obsessed part, not the murder part.
“If that’s the case, why did Nellie make such a stink of accusing Baxter of cheating on her with your sister? Why did Nellie push your sister out of the window?” I asked before I could stop myself. I wanted to shove the words right back into my mouth just as quickly as they had come out. Lord, why didn’t Henry have reflexes like a cat, so he could slap a hand over my mouth?
“I guess I can tell you what the lawyers have told my parents. It’ll get out around town eventually, anyhow. The lawyers are saying the Nellie dragged my sister upstairs at the party and tried to convince her she should sleep with Baxter. Baxter could get laid and get another video on his dealer’s disgusting website and Nellie could “catch” them in the act and win real sympathy points and be the talk of the town for weeks. When my sister refused, she and Nellie got into an argument and then that turned into a full-on fight. My sister was never the athletic type and Nellie had a good four inches in height and 50 pounds on her. Kara ended up tossed off the balcony like trash.” Noah choked out the last few words, talking about his sister in her final moments had brought tears to his eyes. Poor, Noah. Poor, Kara.
“We’re so sorry, Noah. We didn’t mean to upset you. We can be done talking. Thank you for sharing this all with us. We’re going to do everything we can to get justice for your sister, Alice, and all the other girls Nellie and Baxter have fucked over.” Henry said calmly and in reassuring tone. Noah wiped his eyes and nodded, standing to head towards the door, waving us a solemn goodbye.
“You know what we have to do, right?”
“Why do I not like where this is going?” Henry groaned.
“We need to find this guy and get justice for all those girls. All the girls who’ve been exposed and their image and dignity sold to perverts. We’ve got to make this right!” I exclaimed, slamming my hand down on the table. Wow, I sounded just like Detective Brooks in that moment.
“I thought I was the one who came up with the ideas to get into trouble?” Henry teased, his elbow poking my side.
“Who said we were going to get caught?” I smiled at him. We left the coffee shop to head to Henry’s house. It was time to do some research and come up with a plan. It was time to make Baxter James pay for his sins.
As my lawyers would point out, this is the exact moment in which my own crimes became “premeditated.” But I swear to God, I didn’t plan on murdering anyone. It just happened to work out that way.
Henry and I spent days holed up in his room researching this Brad guy, finding his hang out spots, and coming up with a plan to dismantle this entire vile operation. In the moment, our plan seemed pretty good. We were going to be heroes. People would thank us for helping those girls who were wrongfully exploited, for saving future girls from that same pain, and for helping open everyone’s eyes to who Baxter really is. It was all going to go down this one Saturday night, the night my life changed forever.
My Mama always said to me, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans.” How right you were, Mama. We made our plans, but life or God or whoever was about to come along and make a fool out of me.
At the moment, Henry and I had crafted the perfect plan. We took a few pointers from Detective Brooks. Now, their publishing company would like me to say that the Detective Brooks novels in no way inspired me to commit any of my crimes and the Detective Brooks novels are purely for entertainment purposes, not as a reference on how to commit crimes. Blah, blah, blah. There I said it. Moving on.
Henry and I dug around with some of the shadier people from school. You know, the kind of people who skip gym to smoke cigarettes and other weird things under the bleachers. We had to tell them that we were hoping to get into the drug selling business and needed a supplier. Those stoners told us who and where Brad was. It was almost too easy. And I promise, out of all the things I did and all the things people have said about me, I did not intend to ever buy or sell drugs. Remember that.
Once we had that information, we had to formulate what to say to Brad and his crew once we got there. Henry doubted we could use the lame “we wanted to sell drugs” line that worked too easily on the stoners. I suggested that Henry could pretend to be my boyfriend who is angry because he found out that I was in one of Baxter’s home videos, but Henry pointed out that would be a quick way to kick our asses kicked. We racked our brains for hours and hours until Henry came up with the grandest of ideas. And it would all take place tomorrow night.
When Noah told us that Brad and his crew lived in a warehouse, I pictured a rundown warehouse that had no locks, broken out windows, and barrel fires. Clearly, I’ve been watching too many movies. Well, I used to anyways. When we arrived that fateful night, my whole mind was blown. This “warehouse” was more like a mansion. It was four stories tall, beautiful brick walls, and several fancy cars parked in the large driveway as well as a bunch of huge, buff men who looked ready to punch anyone’s lights out at a moment’s notice. It looked like they rented out some office building and turned into the headquarters for their evil debauchery. And Henry and I were about to head into the belly of the beast.
Henry and I were parked a little way away from the fancy warehouse and we went over the plan one more time as we got ourselves into character. To pull this off, we were going to need a lot of luck and even more confidence. Henry had faith that we’d pull it off and that was enough for me. I just had to keep reminding myself that we were doing this for the girls, for all the girls, myself included, who have been used, exploited, hurt, and traumatized by Baxter. Thinking of them, I felt like I could do anything. Any price I would pay would be worth it to have Baxter and this Brad guy exposed and punished.
Henry and I walked up the fanciest warehouse I’ve ever seen and right into one the bodyguards. Literally, I walked right into his muscled chest. Oops.
“You need to leave before I make you leave.” He told us in the deepest voice I’ve ever heard. He didn’t even sound mad, just annoyed.
“We want to see Brad” Henry stated, planting his feet firmly and holding his ground. I wasn’t very sure what to do so I crossed my arms over my chest and made I face that I hoped looked like I meant business.
“Is he expecting you?” The guard asked, his tone getting more and more annoyed by the minute.
“No, but he’ll want to see us. We have a proposition he won’t be able to turn down. We’re talking more business, more money…” I trailed off and added a wink so the guard would pick up what we were putting down. I was impressed with myself in that moment, I almost believed myself. The guard grunted and went into the fancy warehouse, leaving us alone on the doorstep. He was only gone before a few moments before returning.
“Follow me.” He huffed and lead us inside.
The inside was even more fancy than the outside. There was a chandelier hanging from the ceiling, the furniture was made of real, solid oak that looked to be hand carved. I looked around amazed, feeling like I just walked onto the set of a movie. If I remember correctly, Henry’s jaw dropped.
We were instructed to sit on the largest couch I’d ever seen in my life. It could probably sit 20 people more than comfortably. Now, there was nothing to do but wait for Brad to come to us. I’d been distracted by all the glitz and glam, but now I needed to re-focus and make sure I was in character for whenever Brad showed up. I looked at Henry, who nodded at me firmly and confidently and that alone eased my nerves. Some people can just do that for you. We didn’t have to wait long for Brad, and boy, he didn’t disappoint. He was a twenty something year old who had long, curly black hair and was dressed like a business man in a three-piece suit. Not what I was expecting at all.
“So, I hear you have a proposition for me.” Brad said, not bothering to ask who we were or why we were sitting in his fancy house. He sat in a chair across from us and leaned back, casual and unbothered, which bothered me a whole bunch. This man had this fancy house, fancy clothes, and the weight of what he’s doing to people, not weighing him down one bit. He was as light as a feather. I could have snapped like a twig in that moment. He’s the reason there’s so many drugs in our town, the reason girls are being exploited left and right, and he wants to sit there as if he’s not the devil in disguise.
“We do. How would you like to make 10x more money?” Henry proposed, his voice oozing confidence.
Brad laughed, like full on, belly grabbing, knee slapping, laughed. That son of a bitch.
“What’s so funny?” Henry asked defensively. I sat there, clenching my teeth, trying to not get up and slap that asshole.
“What’s funny is that you two kids, because that’s what you are, kids, think you can make me more money. Just how are you going to do that?” Brad chuckled while he wiped away pretend tears from his laughing fit.
“I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Nellie Richards has been arrested for murder. We know she was helping Baxter get girls for the little home movies you sell on that website—”
“Websites, get it right. Those “little home movies” are put on about a dozen websites” Brad bragged. Go back and read that one more time, that’s right, he said a dozen websites. You see now, why I did what I did, right? It makes sense. You’d do it too, if you were me.
“Right, well, Nellie is out of the picture and Baxter has gone and back many times for questioning with the police, considering the murder happened at his house where people were consuming your drugs. So, Baxter may be out of the game for a while since he may either snitch on you or quit altogether since he no longer has Nellie helping him. We all know he can’t do this on his own, not well at least. I’m proposing that we take over his business. And we’ll grow it. I guarantee it.” Henry said, all smooth as silk. He was good, that one.
“Hmm, you have a point. And just how will you grow my business?” Brad asked, actually considering our offer.
“We have connections in the surrounding three towns. They’re ready to help sell the drugs and make movies with all kinds of girls so you can reach a more diverse market. They’re ready to go as soon you agree.” Henry told him and I could tell it pained him to even pretend that we would be involved in something as devious and sinister as the “home movies”.
“Alright, you have my attention. I’m interested. I’ll give you 10% of the profits.” Brad offered.
“We want 15%” Henry demanded. Brad looked back and forth between us as he considered this.
“Deal. Ricky, come take this young man to the warehouse and get him some of the product.” Brad said over his shoulder and a beefy man who must be Ricky, came and ushered Henry away. I stood to go with him.
“No, you stay here. I want to talk to you.” Brad said, getting up from his chair and placing himself butt up against me on the couch. I felt my soul leave my body, that’s how much he repulsed me. But I gritted my teeth and tried to stay in character.
“You’re a cute little thing. How old are you?” Brad asked, leaning into me and winding one of his slimy fingers around a piece of my hair.
“I’m 17.” I croaked out. Lord, help me not punch his lights out or throw up. We just need to get through this night and then everything will be fixed. The police will fix this.
“Oh, you’re young. I like them young. That boy your boyfriend?” His hand was now on my knee. It slithered like a snake up my thigh. The vomit was hot in my throat, but I swallowed it down.
“No, he’s just a friend.” I told him, refusing to make eye contact with him.
“I see. Why don’t you and I become a little more comfortable and become more than friends.” He whispered into my ear. He took off his jacket and took a knife off his belt and a gun from his waistband and put them on the coffee table. He then lunged at me, his breath hot and disgusting on my neck, his hands all over my body and just like that, it was like I was 14 again, back in the closet with Baxter and something inside me snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore. Every second this man was alive, the more evil leached into the world, the more men like him were being told that this was okay, that they can just take what they want, when they want. Enough is enough. No more.
I blindly reached for one of the weapons of the table, not caring which one I could get. I picked one up and held it and quickly brought it down into his back. It was the knife I grabbed. There’s something about feeling a blade slide into flesh, that I will never be able to forget for as long as I live. Brad was caught off guard and tried to scream for Ricky, but I just brought the knife down again and again. It was almost too easy. It felt so right, what I was doing. I stabbed and stabbed until he didn’t move anymore. And then a few more times to make sure he didn’t get back up.
I would like to take this moment to state that Henry and I never planned to go there and kill anyone. Our plan was to get Brad to agree to working with us, while we secretly recorded him doing so. If he had decided not to work with us and it got violent, we were ready to attack. But we didn’t mean for anyone to get killed. Make no mistake, I do not regret killing Brad. That sorry bastard should be rotting in Hell, right where he belongs. Sorry, Mama. But I didn’t plan to kill him, only to possibly attack or maim him. Anyways, back to the story.
I laid there for what felt like years with Brad’s dead body on top of me. He was heavier than a sack of bricks. His blood was quickly seeping into my clothes. I could have laid there for longer, but my body was going into survival mode. I had to get out of there. When Ricky and Henry came back, it was going to be bad news bears for us. I needed to act fast. I pulled out my phone and texted Henry that we needed to get out of here fast and he needed to meet me back at the car.
Lucky for me, it seemed that all the body guards were with Henry and Ricky because as I stuck my head out of the door, the guard that was there when we arrived was nowhere to be found. So, I did what any intelligent person would do, I ran. I ran as fast as my legs would take me. I ran all the way until I got to Henry’s car and low and behold, Henry was there waiting for me. His face a mix of shock and anger when he saw me covered in blood.
“What the Hell happened? Are you okay?” Henry asked, his hands on my shoulders and his eyes scanning over my body to find the source of the blood.
“It’s not mine.” I said simply, moving to the passenger side of the car and getting in.
“What do you mean it’s not yours?” Henry asked, getting into the car and cranking it.
“Just as I said, it’s not mine.” I retorted, getting irritated that every second we spent chatting was another second that Brad’s goons could be finding his body and coming after us.
“Alice, what did you do?” I’d never heard Henry say my name like that. Like I was a stranger, like nothing would ever be the same.
“He threw himself at me, Henry. His hands were all over me and I hated it. I didn’t want it. Part of me was paralyzed, ready to lay there and let it happen like it did with Baxter. But another part of me wanted to fight back. I guess that part of me won. I fought back.” I told him, trying to catch his eye and get him to look at me. Henry was quiet for a long time and then looked at me and took my hand.
“I need to know, is he….”
“Yes, he’s dead.” I finished for him. Henry hung his head, exasperated at the problem I’d created.
“But we need to get out of here. Any minute now, they’re going to find his body and realize what happened. We gotta go.” I told him. It clicked for Henry then, the amount of danger we were in. He floored it and we sped away.
Reader, I honestly thought we were in the clear at that point. We’d go back to Henry’s house and burn my clothes. I’d shower and get the rest of the blood off me. And if the cops got called to Brad’s palace, they’d just chock it up to a drug deal gone wrong. We were out of the woods and this would just be a secret Henry and I took to our graves. At least, that’s what I thought until those blue lights shown in Henry’s rear view mirror. This is what my Mama would call the moment my goose got cooked. Henry slowed down and pulled over. Henry quickly took off his jacket and tried to cover me with it, but I’ll be honest with you, it wasn’t any use. Brad’s blood was on my pants, shirt, and even a bit in my hair. Unless that jacket could swallow me whole, there was no way that cop wasn’t going to see all this blood. But I loved Henry for trying, for always trying to save me. I just wasn’t meant to be saved is all.
“Good evening officer. What can I do for you?” Henry sweet talked.
“License and registration, please.” The cop monotoned, not bothering to look at either of us. Maybe luck was on our side. Henry pulled out the items and handed them over to the cop. My heart was in my throat and my stomach in my ass. I prayed to whoever was listening to let me get out of this and I’d become a better person. I’d get help for what happened tonight to make sure it didn’t happen again.
“Son, did you know you were doing 50 in a 35?” The cop asked, crouching down to look at Henry and that’s when I knew, if there was a God, he sure wasn’t listening to me. Because the look on that cop’s face when he saw the blood on my clothes was another moment I’ll never forget. He looked at me like I was a monster.
“I need you to step out of the vehicle, both of you.” The cop demanded to us and then whispered for back up into his radio. We stepped out of the car, Henry first, to which the cop slammed his body into the car and handcuffed him. I was frozen in place at the scene, my sweet Henry, being arrested for something he had nothing to with. With Henry cuffed, the cop came over to my side to do the same. He was a bit gentler with me. Then he put us in the back of his car and told us to be quiet until back up could get here.
“Henry, I’m so sorry. I’ve gotten you into a mess that even you can’t clean up this time.” I started to cry, hot tears going down my face. Henry tried to snuggle his head into the crook of my neck. Even when we were being arrested, Henry was trying to comfort me. Lord, I did not deserve this boy.
“It’s going to be alright, Alice. We’ll get through this alright.” Henry told me. It was the last thing he said to me. At that exact moment, back up arrived and the cop took Henry out the car and forced him into another one. I didn’t speak to Henry without a lawyer present for at least a year.
The worst part was when they called my Mama. She came and sat with me until a lawyer could get there. Even then, my Mama was gone. She couldn’t look at me and didn’t dare try to touch me, as if I was poisonous. I knew then that she may always be my Mama, but I was now a criminal and murderer at that. She wasn’t going to love me the same any more. I tried to tell her I was sorry for all the trouble I was causing her. She insisted we be quiet until the lawyer got there. It broke my heart, honestly. I wish I could fix things between us, but once you start being ashamed of somebody, there’s no real stopping it. I’ve just got to try to make her proud of me again. One day.
So, that’s how I ended up being interrogated for murder. And I did do it. I ended up telling them that eventually, but I also told them a lot of other stuff, like how Baxter was selling drugs that he got from Brad and about him filming girls and selling it to gross websites. I even told them which websites. In the end I got my revenge. Baxter was promptly arrested the next morning. I’m sure you read about it in all the papers and even saw it on the news, but since Baxter was 18, he was tried as an adult and sentenced to 8 years in adult prison. I hope someone is making him their bitch right now. I hope he’s feeling every single thing he made me feel in that closet all those years ago. Nellie, who was not 18, didn’t get tried as an adult. I heard she got sent to some facility and that she may be able to leave when she’s 30. I tried to tell my lawyer they should push for a life sentence. I was ignored. Henry got the best deal, he wasn’t tried as an adult, and even though he was an accessory to my crime, he only got 5 years’ probation. No prison time. I couldn’t be happier for him. Henry doesn’t deserve to go to prison.
As for me, well I got it a little easy. The community was grateful for Brad’s end it turns out. With Brad gone, less drugs were coming into the community and getting into the schools and businesses. And they liked that those websites were taken down. The girls who Baxter tricked into being in those videos all chose to remain anonymous, except for Christine Roberts, who thought it was so cool that she’d slept with a famous person. I don’t think being arrested for dealing drugs, selling pornography, and all his other nonsense makes you famous, but I digress.
And I even had a little bit of a fan club, people who thought what I did to Brad was a public service. But that wasn’t enough. I was only 17, so I wasn’t tried as an adult, even though my crime and Nellie’s for that matter, called for it, I wasn’t going to argue over small miracles. I got 10 years in a state facility. That’s where I am now. It’s not so bad, I get my meals every day at 8, 12, and 5. I can read whenever I want and I have therapy every Tuesday and Thursday. I have to take these little white and blue pills every morning and night. Henry comes to see me every Friday. It’s all on a schedule. I think I needed that, some kind of stability. I think it helps, at least. I haven’t had a panic attack since I got here.
If you’re still with me, I want to thank you for reading my story. I promise it’s all truth, the good the bad, and the ugly and I appreciate you sticking it out with me. And you may think I’m a bad person for what I did, and that’s perfectly fine. I don’t regret what I did, Brad was a horrible person who lived to make the lives of those around him worse. He had to go. I do regret not killing Baxter. Maybe if it had been him, all those other girls wouldn’t have gotten hurt, but I guess we’ll never know what never was.