by T. Mack
Sooooo… I saw Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice this weekend. And, well…
I’m not going to write a formal review of this movie. There are a million reviews already out on this film and if you really wanted to read one, you would have already. So instead, I’m simply going to write a list. It’s a bulleted list that includes stuff I did and didn’t like about the film. The bottom line without all the exposition. If you’re interested, here goes:
I DIDN’T LIKE THAT…
- The movie started very… very… sloooooowly.
- They rehashed Bruce Wayne’s origin… again. I know it was brief, but it was also totally unnecessary. WE ALL KNOW!!! Get on with it!
- The first hour felt like jumping between two completely separate films (which I feel this movie should have been anyway).
- After the slow start, the action finally begins and then there is far too much crammed in and thrown at us… which diminishes the weight of all of it. At that point, I didn’t care as much as I wanted or needed to.
- The film tried so hard to shovel in so much that it felt really convoluted.
- Batman killed people. Even more insulting, he did it with guns, which is totally uncharacteristic for the character, especially at the age he is portrayed here.
- I found it hard to root for either “hero” when they were both being massive assholes:
- BAT: If you’re gonna get pissed at another guy for causing massive destruction, maybe don’t be the cause of massive destruction yourself while you pursue him. I’m just saying.
- SUPES: I get it. You love your girlfriend. But her adorable ass is not the only one in the world that matters. Get your shit together. If you can destroy an entire city without even trying, you can make a little effort to help people without destroying every f*$%ing thing.
- Wonder Woman deserved her own introduction in her OWN movie. This entrance could have been just as cool if she’d had her own film first. This was a cop-out. Plain and simple. She deserved better.
- Lex Luthor lacked any semblance of sophistication. He was like an off-brand Joker or a cut-rate Riddler. If DC had taken the time to build all this like they should have and introduced these heroes in their own films, they wouldn’t have had to turn Superman’s most notable nemesis into a generic version of Batman’s most notable nemesis. (Also, I think I don’t like Jesse Eisenberg’s face. But that’s just a personal preference.)
- You would think a 2.5 hour movie called Batman Vs Superman would have more than approximately 8 minutes of Batman and Superman fighting. But whatever!
I DID LIKE THAT…
- Affleck made a passable Bruce Wayne. Though he is still not the Batman I would have preferred for this, his version didn’t suck as hard as I’d anticipated.
- Jeremy Irons was great as Alfred. I liked the butler’s more hands-on attitude in this film.
- I enjoyed Amy Adam. Unlike Jesse Eisenberg, I like her face. So even though Lois was mostly useless, I still liked looking at her.
- Gal Gadot did a good job. I look forward to seeing Diana fleshed out in her upcoming film, the way it should have been done prior to this movie.
- It was nice to see the rest of the team… I guess. It actually felt really forced, like they were shoehorned in (which, of course, they were). And it also felt totally unnecesary since it didn’t add anything to this movie. And Aquaman’s stuff was really strange and awkward… Actually, this bullet possibly belongs under the other heading. Except Cyborg’s portion was a pretty rad teaser. So I’ll leave it all here.
- This film was okay. It wasn’t great. It wasn’t awful. It wasn’t epic, or fun, or humorous, or anything else, really. It was just an okay movie.
See it if you want. Or don’t. If you do, don’t compare it to Marvel. Also, don’t compare it to anything you know of these characters outside of this particular film.
Rating: 1.5 SHIELDS
Personally, I’m already looking ahead to better films to come. Captain America: Civil War is coming next month and I guarantee I won’t be nearly as apathetic about that one. Stay tuned!
Did you see Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice? What did you think? Do you plan to see it? Why or why not? What expectations do you have? Let me know in the comments.