By T. Mack
Okay. This is kind of hard for me to admit. But…[deep breath]… I love the sappy, romantic movies on Hallmark Channel! And when I say love, I mean LOVE. I record movies on the DVR every. single. weekend. Stuff with adorable leading ladies, pretty leading men and titles like How to Fall in Love, Perfect Match and Recipe for Love. These films are like Harlequin Romance novels come to life and I absolutely adore them!
Why yes, that Perfect Match lady is Danica McKellar, The Wonder Years‘ Winnie Cooper and world-renown mathematician! Often, I don’t even read the description of these films before pressing the record button. I just look at names like Recipe for Love‘s Danielle Panabaker (from the movie Sky High and TV’s The Flash) and that’s basically enough for me. Or I’ll see a familiar face I don’t even know the name of, like the two in the first pic above. Based just on that and the fact that it’s on Hallmark, I will sit through the entire two hours of sappy nonsense. But even if the names and faces aren’t familiar, I will at least consider recording and watching about 90% of these cheesy romance movies.
In these movies, there’s always a meet cute. The characters dance around each other for some ridiculously short amount of time–like 2 weeks. And the movie always ends with their declarations of love (usually in public) and talks of marriage. The final shot of the film is them passionately kissing (often for the first time). But no tongue! Because… reasons. The music swells and the camera zooms out and the credits roll and you just know they’ll live happily ever after. It’s so ridiculous and so disgustingly sweet that it will give you a stomach ache and cavities from just watching it. And I CANNOT GET ENOUGH!
It’s so bad that I’m currently engrossed in the latest seasonal theme. Oh, yes, my friends. There are themes!!! Right now, it’s Fall Harvest! This includes a month of old and new movies centered around the fall and Halloween. There are pumpkins everywhere in these films. The characters are wearing long sleeves and light jackets and taking walks in parks. There are Halloween and Autumn decorations all over the place. It’s gross how manipulative it is. Especially since I know it was all filmed sometime back in the spring. But I just don’t care. Not even a little. I love it so much! I will curl up on the couch with a cup of hot tea or apple cider and binge-watch four of these ludicrous movies in a row. Seriously.
And this is NOTHING. Just wait until the end of the Halloween madness (though technically, they’re not even waiting that long this year). Before you can even blow out your jack-o-lanterns and eat all your kids’ candy after they go to bed, everything on Hallmark Channel will turn from orange and crimson to red and green. Oh, yes. Thanksgiving can suck it because on October 31st, Hallmark begins their annual “Countdown to Christmas!”
I wait for this every year, people! EVERY year. I gobble these cheesy holiday movies up like so much sweet, sweet chocolate. And let me just tell you… the titles of these amazingly ridiculous films only get worse at the holidays.
Hallmark Channel gets so invested in this season that they have a movie clock! Do you see this?! This is last year’s but I’m sure come 10/31, there will be one for 2015.
My husband hates this obsession of mine. I can’t be the same room when he watches The Walking Dead. Likewise, he can’t stand to be around when I’m engrossed in the dripping sweet sappiness of made-for-TV romances. And while I know they’re all essentially the same ridiculous story with only slight variations of completely ludicrous concepts, I just can’t seem to care at all. I love them. I love Fall and I adore the holiday season and I can’t get enough sappy romance movies. Hallmark Channel brings all these obsessions together beautifully and I am giddy over it.
TWO tiny SIDE NOTES:
1. Do you see that absolutely precious little lady in the October Kiss poster? That’s Ashley Williams. She’s my very favorite!
She is one of the cutest things on this planet and she has the best smile in the world. She’s a Hallmark Channel regular and I thank God for it every single year! There are at least three movies I’ll be looking for starring her in the upcoming weeks!
2. Did you happen to notice anything about all those movie posters above? In case you did and were wondering… No, there aren’t any black people in the world of Hallmark Channel romance.
Occasionally we’ll get a slightly caramel-complected person who we might guess has a Hispanic background, but they don’t bother mentioning it. I think it definitely says something about how much I love these movies that I don’t even let that fact stop me from sitting in front of this channel for hours on end.
What thing do you love that logically, you think you shouldn’t, but you absolutely do anyway? Tell me about it in the comments. What’s your favorite holiday film or movie with a holiday in it? I’d love to know!