By Jen P
Yesterday, I happened upon a disturbing tidbit of information. Hasbro intends to release four more Transformers movies over the next ten years. Why? Because the franchise still makes money, that’s why.
Here’s what Hasbro’s Stephen J. Davis had to say during a recent Q&A:
“You’re going to see a new Transformers movie coming from Hasbro and Paramount and Michael Bay and our other partners. In fact, we just finished, which some of you may have read, just an incredible experience. We decided that we wanted to plot out the next 10 years of the Transformers franchise, so we got together in a room over a three-month period of time. Nine of some of the most creative writers I have ever worked with, shepherded by Akiva Goldsman, who many of you may know won an Academy Award for A Beautiful Mind and written a bunch of really great movies. And they plotted out the next 10 years of Transformers. Similarly, we are doing the same in television and in digital. So stay tuned, Transformers 5 is on its way, and 6 and 7 and 8.”
Now, after watching the interview, I have some beef. Did Davis mean that Michael Bay would only be involved with the next film, or the entirety of the franchise? Because honestly, he’s the reason I stopped enjoying the films. All of his drama with cast members (Meghan Fox) and blatant sexualization of any female (and there are very few ladies) within each film is downright frustrating. I’m so sick of seeing close-up breast and butt shots while junk explodes in the background. It may have worked for the first movie, but now it’s old, and kind of sad really. Grow up, Michael Bay, and get with the 21st century. Women make up half, if not more, of moviegoers and we’re tired of your tricks. It’s frankly disgusting and unacceptable.
The next beef is what you did to my Dinobots.
I’ll admit they look cooler, but the characters were totally lost in the upgrade. Grimlock was my homeboy, and your company turned him into a mindless eating machine. Not to mention, no Shia. He was the heart of the movies. Replacing him with Mark Whalberg would have been okay if they’d written him as a different character. But they didn’t!!! They just gave him a daughter and a few years in age- not maturity. Watch the way he talks, the geeky way he handles situations. It’s the same freaking guy! I think this Rolling Stone critic, Peter Travers summed up the way I felt about Age of Extinction the best. He said it was, “dull… metal crushing metal with no purpose, logic, or letup.” You got that right, buddy.
So, for all you newbies to the Michael Bay film universe, here’s what you need to know. This formula holds true to every. single. movie:
Tits + Ass + Geeky Guys + Explosions = A billion-gazillion dollars in Bay’s pocket
If you want to support that, it’s your business, but now you know what you’re paying for. Let’s be real though. I’m not saying I’ll never watch a Michael Bay film again, but I will be particular with which ones I do. Now, if you really want to get pissed off, just take a look at what he did to TMNT:
They went from this:
And then they added Meghan Fox. Not April O’Neal, mind you, but Meghan Fox in yellow. They didn’t even dye her hair red.
My childhood weeps.
What do you think? Are you a fan of Michael Bay, TMNT or Transformers? Or do you agree with Jen P? Fire back in the comments below. We’d love to hear from you.