A Short Rant About ‘Hitman’

By T. Mack

Back in 2007, a video game movie came to theaters and made zero positive impression on anyone. That movie was Hitman, a film based on the first-person shooter game of the same name. As much as I love Timothy Olyphant (and have watched this movie more than once just for an excuse to stare at him), even I gotta admit it’s not really very good. A sequel/reboot is headed our way this August and the second trailer for the new movie hit the net yesterday. Since this movie franchise is back in current newsfeeds, I’d like to take just a minute to sound off about a topic that has bugged me immensely for the better part of a decade.

At the very beginning of Hitman, a sequence of footage is shown to establish that the character was engineered, raised and trained as a child in an institution that built him to be nothing but an assassin. The idea is to let us know that he has never had a normal life and would not think and feel like everyone else. Fine. That’s great, except…

The footage they used was recycled from the 2000-2002 television show, Dark Angel! It wasn’t even re-edited. It was just the exact same footage from the TV show that I own both seasons of and regularly binge-watch. DID THEY THINK WE WOULDN’T NOTICE?! Did they think that only five years after the show ended and launched the career of Jessica Alba that we would all have simply forgotten about it? W. T. F. Seriously! AND!!! As if that wasn’t bad enough, they double the insult because the Dark Angel footage isn’t even consistent with film it’s being forced to introduce.

In Dark Angel, Max, played by Alba, is a genetically enhanced super-soldier engineered and trained in a facility during her childhood. Like the Hitman character, she has a barcode tattoo from the facility that identifies her. The thing is, on the show, the barcodes were on the back of the neck. So the recycled footage shows the barcodes there. In the movie, the barcode is on the back of the titular character’s head. WHAT?! Are we supposed to think that the tattoo moved as he grew up? Did the movie’s producers, director and editors not realize that the average person who is not a complete idiot knows that skin doesn’t work that way?!

 

See? It’s just SO ridiculous! What in the ham sandwich were they thinking when they decided to throw this haphazard crap together hoping it would simply fly? As a lover of movies and a woman with standards, I’m apalled by this nonsense. I always have been and most likey, will never stop being somewhat irritated that it happened. However, I now I feel better after having the opportunity to share my frustrations with the world. Now it’s time to move on.

Take a look at the trailer for the new movie and let us know in the comments if you’ll be checking it out when it comes to theaters this Fall. To be honest, I probably won’t. After all… Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…

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2 thoughts on “A Short Rant About ‘Hitman’

  1. I don’t know… the sequel looks pretty badass just based on the trailer. And boy do I love me some Zachary Quinto when he’s being bad! Although I have to agree the stolen footage in the first one was unforgiveable. SMH

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