Geek News: Fifty Shades of WTF

By T. Mack

I’m not really sure what’s happening. I’ll just let her sleep until I have more details on these disturbing stories.

Fifty Shades of Grey made news twice yesterday for two completely different, but equally ridiculous reasons. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that the stories aren’t news-worthy. They definitely are. It’s just that they are both a kind of nuts.

First, news broke that Kelly Marcel, the screenwriter of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, is so distraught over the way the film turned out that she has not been able to watch it! WHAT?! According to a story by The Guardian, Marcel was promised freedom in adapting the story-telling and dialogue of the book. As it turned out, however, that freedom didn’t really exist. The book’s author, EL James, instead plagued the production, stifled any liberties or licenses that might have been taken to improve the material and basically made the entire process a nightmare. “My heart really was broken by that process, I really mean it,” Marcel told Bret Easton Ellis’s podcast.

She further elaborated that she had intended to tell the story in a non-linear manner, beginning at the end, going to the middle and filling in with flashbacks. In addition to that vision being stifled, Marcel’s hands were tied as far as adjusting the clunky dialogue that is rampant through the books. James simply would not give on any points. Says Marcel, “There was a moment where we were weeks away from shooting… and it was clear that that was gonna be a struggle.”

I will go straight Christian Grey on your ass if you even think about tweaking my cumbersome, sluggish dialogue. That’s the way I like it!!!

While actions like these might–MIGHT–be admirable from a truly talented author (like J.K. Rowling or John Green) who want to protect their material from deterioration, it seems to me like a bad move on the part of James, whose work could only be improved by outside assistance.

Word has it that James will take even greater control over the next film in her franchise, Fifty Shades Darker, which is set to hit theaters in 2017. This time around, James’ husband, Niall Leonard, will oversee the screenplay.

“What does this mean for us?” “It means, Darling, that it will be even harder to keep a straight face while delivering our lines in the second film.”

Now, if that’s not enough for you, there’s still the second bit of news regarding the mega-hit franchise. A manuscript of James’ new book, Grey, has gone missing! This new title in the franchise retells the story of Fifty Shades of Grey from Christian’s perspective. The book hits shelves in one week, coming out right on time for Christian Grey’s birthday on June 18.

It’s feared that the thief may release pirated versions of the novel or sell excerpts to news outlets. However, James intends to move forward with the book release as planned. Check out more of this story over at The Guardian.

What are you thoughts on any of this Fifty Shades news? Do you love these books and movies? Do you detest them? Do you think everyone should just shut up about them already? Did you think the chemistry (or lack thereof) between the movie’s leads wasn’t really that bad? Sound off in the comments.

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